In Man’s Search for Meaning Victor Frankl writes that the one thing we
can control, no matter the circumstances, is our attitude. He relates his experience in a Nazi
concentration camp of having everything dear to him taken away and manipulated,
yet he retained the freedom to choose his own attitude even in a horrible
situation.
This is true, but also
difficult. I find that some mornings I
jump out of bed in great spirits, looking forward to the day. Other times, I awaken, dreading what is in
store for me. What’s the
difference? My attitude. But why do I have distinctly opposite
attitudes? The same event can occur, and
one time I’m positive, and the next I’m negative.
The telephone rings. One time I say to myself, “Oh, groan. I don’t want to be interrupted. There’s someone who will make a demand on my
time.” Or sometimes, I think, “Ah,
there’s an opportunity. I wonder who it
is?”
What’s the difference? Again, my attitude.
Controlling your attitude
compares to one of the tenets of the Buddhist Eight-fold Path, Right View. Having the correct outlook or view impacts your
whole being.
In exploring this further, I’ve
discovered three things that affect my attitude. First, external circumstances. Frankl may have learned to deal with this,
but it remains a significant factor. My
attitude tends to be more positive when I’ve got fun things ahead of me to do
versus onerous tasks. Sure, I may be able to control my attitude, but it
requires more effort when surrounded by a negative situation.
Second, chemistry. As much as I think I can control my attitude,
sometimes I feel high and other times I feel low. Things going on inside my body can have an
effect. Medication can impact both pain
and attitude. Certainly when given anesthetic,
we become relaxed, forget to worry about the upcoming operation and then fall
asleep. Chemistry. An adrenaline rush or body sugar levels can
also influence our attitude.
Third is the part we
control. I do agree with Frankl that in
the majority of circumstances, we are in charge of our attitude. Putting aside body chemistry, we can learn to
deal with external circumstances, and then it comes down to what we chose. Will I chose to be grumpy and pout or suck it
up, take a deep breath and get on with my life?
The Stockdale Paradox has been
described as the dilemma a prisoner of war faced of being completely realistic
about the gravity of his circumstances while not giving up hope. This applies equally in everyday life: we
must be realistic about our situation but then do everything possible to
improve it. This means to act from a
base of reality, not illusion. If you’re
being held prisoner, you’re in a dire situation. Admit it.
Don’t pretend you’re not. But
don’t give up. Do everything possible to
survive and regain your freedom.
This means accepting the moment,
but taking the steps to make things better.
The bottom line: accept and improve.