In the movie City Slickers,
Curly holds up a finger and says there is one thing. Each of us has to find that one thing.
As I get older, I look back over
my life and realize that certain buttons constantly push me. This has led me to consider that if I am ever
to become an enlightened human being, I have not one, but three goals to
achieve. These are mine. Yours will be completely different. We all have our own personal demons and
challenges. They may be big things or
little things. So here are my three.
One: competitiveness. I played competitive tennis as a kid and in
college. Even though my joints protest,
I continue to play racquet sports, but in a social setting. I still have that competitive drive to
win. One aspect of this is positive
because it pushes me to do my best. But
one aspect continues to get me. I hate
to lose. So after a hard fought battle
on a Saturday morning, if I lose I will stay pissed off for hours
afterwards. It’s just a game I tell
myself. Why can’t I just enjoy the game
and be a gracious winner or loser? I can
be a gracious winner because I won. But
when I lose, that’s another story. So my
first step toward becoming an enlightened human being is to be able to engage
in a racquet game, enjoy it, be alive and present and feel positive whether I
win or lose. Right.
Two: pride. Having been married forty-six years, my wife
and I rarely fight about big issues, but we still argue about some of the same
things over and over, such as, you’re not listening to me. There are times when she is speaking about
something that is important to her and I’m not paying attention. Then she accuses me of not listening. Rather than admitting it, I try to prove her
wrong and me right. My pride can’t take
being criticized. So instead of taking
in what she’s saying, I respond with, “I was listening. And by the way you’re the one who doesn’t
listen. Remember that time. . .”
Three: fear. This is the biggy. I have experienced those rare moments when I
have been a good loser and there have even been times when I haven’t gotten
defensive when criticized. But the fear
factor is the toughest one for me. When
I get stressed over writing issues, I’m pretty good at handling them during the
day. But at four in the morning, I pop
awake worrying about some small item.
Did I set up that meeting? Will I
have time to get edits completed tomorrow? How will I solve that writing
problem? My mind is churning, my
stomach’s tight, my right ear is ringing, I’m sweating, my heart’s going
lickety split. And I should be sound
asleep.
This is the curse of the active
mind. What serves me well during the
day: analytical skills, problem solving, planning, looking at contingencies,
unfortunately, keeps going during the night, and I find myself wide awake and
mulling things over in my mind.
Sometimes I get up and write myself notes. Sometimes I get up and read. Sometimes I try to get back to sleep. But usually I end up tossing and turning.
My logical mind says to turn it
off for the night, relax, get a good night’s sleep. My subconscious mind says, wake up, take care
of this, worry about it, look at it sixteen different ways, fix it.
So my final step to enlightenment
will be the ability to park the problems of the day, get a good nights rest and
then tackle the issues fresh the next day.
I’m sure you have your own list
that would symbolize your own journey to enlightenment. For me these are my three. They represent where my mind and emotions are
disconnected. I can look at them
logically, but emotionally I react to losing a game, a comment from my wife or
by waking up in the middle of the night.
So proceed on your journey and
when you achieve enlightenment, let me know how you did it.