Geezer Jokes

In the fifth book of the Paul Jacobson Geezer-lit Mystery Series, Care Homes Are Murder, Paul and his twelve-year-old granddaughter Jennifer tell each other politically incorrect geezer jokes. Paul’s daughter-in-law (Jennifer’s mom) disapproves of this activity so Paul and Jennifer sneak off to tell these jokes to each other. Here’s a sample of these very sophisticated jokes:

-        Why didn’t the geezer cross the road? Because he was no longer a spring chicken.

-       A doctor, a lawyer and a geezer take a walk together. They start talking about the most important things they could do. The doctor said, “I’d like to cure cancer.” The lawyer nodded and added, “That’s important. I’d like to prove the innocence of all people wrongly jailed.” The geezer looked at the other two and said, “I’d like to find a restroom.”

-      What’s the difference between a leprechaun and a geezer? One has a pot of gold and the other is a pot of old.

-    What’s the difference between a geezer and the Easter bunny? A geezer has fuzzier ears.

-       Why didn’t the geezer vampire bite the young woman’s throat? Because he forgot his false fangs.

-       How old do you have to be to be a geezer? You’re a geezer when you’re too old to take advice but still young enough to give it.

-       You know you’re a geezer when you spend more time trimming hair from your nose and your ears than the top of your head.

-       You know you’re a geezer when you wake up in the morning and something hurts but you have no clue what caused it.

-       You know you’re a geezer when you keep telling the same story over and over again, but people your age don’t notice any difference.

-       You know you’re a geezer when the highlight of your day is taking a nap.

-       And you know you’re a geezer when the small print really is.

-       You know you’re a geezer when it’s easier to pop your joints than a pop top. 

-       You know you’re a geezer if the mortician offers you a senior discount. 

Anniversary of My First Novel Contract

Seventeen years ago, I signed a contract for my first published novel, Retirement Homes Are Murder. After many rejections, I became an author. This novel was published in 2007, the first of my nineteen published books.

 

Mystery Conferences

Mystery conferences are gatherings of mystery readers and mystery authors. Last Saturday, I attended Men of Mystery, a one-day event with several hundred attendees including over 30 mystery authors. It was an enjoyable day of chatting with old friends and new. I’ve attended this event since 2009. In March, I’ll be going to the Left Coast Crime Conference in Tucson. This typically has 300 to 500 attendees over a four-day period. I first went to this conference in 2007. Then the biggest one of them all: Bouchercon. I’ll be in San Diego for this at the end of August, my fourth Bouchercon. This can have as many as 1500 to 2000 attendees. It’s good to be back to in-person events again.

Halloween

We had a busy Halloween night. Our grandson and daughter came over for dinner, and then then went to a carnival at the park near us. Our grandson trick-or-treated in his Minecraft costume and then returned to give out candy at our house (he enjoys doing this). Given our proximity to the park carnival, we had 282 trick-or-treaters. We had just enough candy to get through the evening.